SELF-ESTEEM, HOW TO DEVELOP IT …


Building self-esteem

What is self esteem

Self-esteem is your opinion of your own self and your worth.
In order words, your perception of your value as a person, particularly with regards to the work you do, your status, achievements, purpose in life, your perceived place in social order (class), potential for success, strengths and weakness; how you relate to others and your ability to stand on your feet. The confidence one has in him or herself as being capable of doing certain things and doing it better can also be considered as self-esteem.
Your self-esteem is made up of all the experiences and interpersonal relationships you have had in your life. Everyone you have ever met has added to or taken away from how you see yourself. Your relationship with friends, love partners, family, school mates, church, members and the people you interact with in general has contributed in one way or the other in building your self-esteem. For example, your motivator or your role model has always influenced you in your thinking, behavior, your long and short term goals, ambitions and your general perception about yourself and who you want to be in the near future.

 Building your self-esteem.

You know yourself better than how someone knows you to be. Others perceptions about you may shape your personality and the confidence you have in you. You can take the positives in what people perceive you to be and use it to build your self-esteem. I call it the smart move. These can help you build your confident trust in you:
  • ·         Having a good role model
  • ·         Praise and complements
  • ·         Focusing on the positive self-talk
  • ·         Setting and achieving goals
  • ·         Forgive yourself for past mistakes
  • ·         Practice your talents and skills and learn new things
  • ·         Rest, rest and rest.

Can self-esteem be destroyed?

Yes, as far as one can build self-esteem (confidence) it can also be ruined in one way or the other mostly through one’s actions. If you do these, you will destroy your self-esteem:
·         Negatively comparing yourself to others
·         Putting yourself down (negative self-talk/intense criticism
·         Underestimating your capabilities.
·         Having undue perfectionistic expectation of yourself, etc.
Let's look at the effects of low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem lack confidence in themselves and their capabilities. They do not usually take advantage of opportunities that comes their way probably because of the fear that they might mess up. Such is frustrating. These are what people with low self-esteem portray:
  • ·         They don't believe in themselves
  • ·         They see themselves failing before they begin
  • ·         They hardly forgive their past mistakes and make themselves pay the price forever
  • ·         They are afraid to show their creativity because they will be ridiculed
  • ·         They spend most of their time alone
  • ·         They worry about everything and do nothing. Etc

Pathological critic

We all have a negative inner voice that attacks and judge us. It is called Pathological critic. The critic blames you when things go wrong, compares you to others and finds you lacking. We tend to listen to our critic voice because it is coming from inside us, it is familiar and seems to make sense. It hurts us the most. Your pathological critic may hold you back if you pay attention to it. It always reminds you of your past mistakes and makes you feel guilty of the life you have lived in the past. It will break you down seriously and keep you there if you let. Letting that still inner voice overcome you will destroy you and your dreams.
The best way to overcome it is to keep it shut whenever it begins to speak. Ignore the negatives it speaks and turn the tables around in a positive way. Instead of saying you can’t, say I am capable. Make peace with your past. Admit you made mistakes and purpose in your heart that you will not repeat your past mistakes and I bet you, you will develop an enviable personality.

How to go about it:

  • ·         Know yourself inside out.
  • ·         Take notice of your strength and weaknesses
  • ·     Capitalize on the strength and tone down, speak little on the weakness with conscious efforts to correct them
  • ·         Develop passion for your own self
  • ·         Make good friends
  • ·         React to criticisms well
  • ·         Take and give complements
    Overcoming your pathological voice.

Self-esteem is not hereditary however it is influenced by the environment and it takes conscious efforts to develop good or high self-esteem. Hard work is key in attaining a desired self-esteem.

Final thoughts

Joel Osteen in one of his sermons said “you are fearfully and wonderfully made for a special purpose, make peace with yourself and believe you are capable of doing something, identify it and make use of it to improve yourself”. You are a unique individual. No one else is like you in the whole world. This makes you special already. Come out of your shelves, and be courageous. Come out of your comfort zone and make use of your capabilities. Make it happen for you so you leave your mark in history.

#YouthConnect

Written by: Anthony Kwabena Sarfo (0240173884, sarfoanthony38@yahoo.com) and

                   Justice Boakye Tumfour (0240279959, jboakyetumfour@yahoo.com)

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